It's hard for Jarrod Croker to explain. After 14 NRL seasons, exactly how the Canberra Raiders co-captain still finds the drive to compete at the top level.
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Especially after a tough couple of years ruined by injuries. It's basically the first time he's had to deal with that in his 292-game career. Just eight games short of that magical 300.
For the first 12 years the points just kept accumulating, to the point where he's scored the third most in NRL history. There's just Cameron Smith and Hazem El Masri having scored more than the 2244 he's now wracked up.
The 32-year-old will run out for the first time post the shoulder reconstruction that kept him to just one NRL game last year.
He's also over the degenerative knee problem that hampered him in 2021.
He'll captain his beloved Green Machine against the Canterbury Bulldogs in their pre-season trial at Moruya on Sunday - the next step in his comeback from a dislocated shoulder.
That's part of why he's pushing into his 15th NRL campaign. Croker simply loves the Raiders.
It's been his home since he made his debut as an 18-year-old against the Sydney Roosters in 2009.
He's the only surviving member of that 2009 squad, and he's grown up playing alongside Josh Papalii and Jack Wighton - both made their debuts in the following three years - bonding their friendships for life.
Veteran winger Jordan Rapana and co-captain Elliott Whitehead fall in a similar mould.
He credits that core group of senior Raiders with how far the club's come - from being a side that yo-yo'd in and out of the eight on a yearly basis, to one that's been regularly playing finals football in recent years.
Croker laughs to himself that he's the only one not to have played representative footy and won Clive Churchill Medals during that time.
"It's hard to explain. Just being in here and being around the boys," he told The Canberra Times.
"Training's hard - it gets harder as you get older, everyone's the same.
"But just being in here around the boys, the camaraderie - you just don't seem to get it anywhere else.
"It's all I've ever done. It's not an easy job, but to come in here and hang around your mates it's pretty good."
They're like family. And family's another driving force for the Goulburnian.
Wife Brittney gave birth to their second son Tate in September, while their eldest Rory's become a Raiders fanatic.
Coming home to them during his rehabilitation has been a shining light in an otherwise dark patch.
The chance to run out in front of them again has been pushing him on towards Moruya.
"It's been tough. It's been very hard the last couple of years, but I've also been blessed with two little boys you get to go home to," Croker said.
"My first one, Rory, absolutely loves the Raiders ... loves his footy, wants to look on the Raiders home page every day, he's got all his gear.
"That helps me. It also helps me want to come here to get back to playing footy because I know how much he loves seeing me play.
"I'm not going to play forever so I'd love to be able to do that. It's been tough."
While the injuries have been one mountain to climb - one that's now hopefully behind him - that time out has presented another challenge Croker will need to overcome.
Two young centres have emerged in his absence. Sebastian Kris and Matt Timoko both made the No.3 and No.4 jerseys their own last year, while there's also Harley Smith-Shields on the comeback from a knee reconstruction.
Croker knows it makes it tougher given they're "young, fit and fast, and they're good kids and good players".
But it just highlights Croker's selfless attitude even more. He only wants what's best for the Green Machine. And he'll play whatever role he needs to for the club to win its fourth premiership.
"I'd be happy to play anywhere and in any grade," he said.
"If my body's right and I'm enjoying my footy and playing as well as I think I can, that's all I can do for the club.
"I want the club to be here holding a trophy at the end of the year and whether that's got me in the 17 it doesn't bother me one bit.
"It does, but I just want the club to win the competition.
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"We've got plenty of depth and you need depth to win a comp and go a long way in the competition and we've got that in the outside backs.
"I'll be trying my best to play in the NRL, but if I'm playing NSW Cup and helping out the young guys in the NRL I'll do whatever it takes to help the club win a comp and win a premiership."
But first things first. Moruya and the Bulldogs. He just wants to get through that first pre-season trial and hopefully stake a claim for a spot the following week.
That's when Raiders coach Ricky Stuart will give his first-choice 17 a hit-out - against the Wests Tigers at Belmore next Sunday, where spots for the trip to Townsville to face the North Queensland Cowboys in round one will be on the line.
The typically laidback Croker said he won't get too excited until kick off on Sunday.
Then he just wants to get back to playing footy and having fun.
He's feeling good after the pre-season, where he's been able to do full contact since the New Year.
"It's been another different pre-season with a different high-performance staff," Croker said.
"A lot of it's faster and sharper footy, building off the back of what we started doing last year.
"It suits me a bit more - the shorter, faster stuff instead of running laps.
"The body's good. Since Christmas I've been full training, contact and doing all the footy stuff and wrestle.
"My body's as ready as everyone else's is to play footy on the weekend."
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